Non-nerds are no doubt not familiar with the Postal franchise. Postal started out as a crappy computer game in the late 90s. Postal 2 was the breakthrough game of the franchise as it was built from the ground up to be the most offensive and violent game ever developed. Postal 2 wasn't revolutionary mechanically speaking, it was basically Grand Theft Auto 3 but in first-person mode and you couldn't drive the cars. Postal was a cult favorite because you could blow up pretty much anything, dismember fools and even piss on people. In fact, you can make the NPCs piss themselves... and vomit. There wasn't much of a story to the Postal games, the main character didn't even have a name... he was always just called "the Postal Dude." So when I head they were making a Postal movie, I wasn't expecting a whole lot...
One bright aspect about the Postal movie was appealing to me however. When I heard Uwe Boll was directing the movie it all just seemed to make perfect sense. Uwe Boll is known for making horribly bad video game movies so it wouldn't seem out of place for Boll to be attached to this project in at least an advisory role. I mean, when you're making a movie based on the most outrageously offensive IPs out there, you need someone like Uwe Boll to seal the deal. Basically, to anyone that would give two shits about a Postal movie, this seemed like the perfect storm of combining a bat-shit crazy game with a bat-shit crazy director.
Before seeing Postal I had only seen one of the trailers for the movie which confirmed that this movie was going to be true to the game. I've embedded said trailer so you can see for yourself. The trailer made the movie look promising. It looks like it has everything - explosions, guns, sex, Nazis, you name it. Well, I finally got my hands on a copy of the movie and I wasn't disappointed...
The Postal movie starts out pretty much like the video game, where the Postal Dude is unemployed and living in a shithole trailer park with his 600lbs wife. The first fifteen minutes or so is about how the Postal Dude's life sucks and people shit on him all the time, like so much Falling Down until eventually he snaps and starts killing fools. Dave Foley plays the Postal Dude's uncle and runs a cult that is in hot water with the IRS. After seeing Dave Foley naked we learn that the Postal Dude and Dave Foley are going to try and steal some Crotchy dolls to sell on eBay so they can pay the IRS off. Also after the Crotchy dolls is Osama Bin Laden and his comically inept band of jihadis. It turns out the place in the US that will have these dolls is a shop at the Little Germany themepark, run by Uwe Boll. Boll plays himself and gives an interview at the opening of the store in Little Germany where he stays that all of his films are financed with Nazi gold. When the groups converge on Little Germany to steal the dolls there is a gun fight in which only children are killed. Dave Foley and the Postal Dude successfully steal the dolls and head back to the cult compound where the terrorists are waiting. The rest of the movie involves dispatching of terrorists and Vern Troyer getting raped by a vault full of monkeys. And to wrap it all up we are left with a scene in which George W. Bush and Osama go prancing through a field as nuclear ICBMs rain down on America.
Everyone who complained about this movie on the internet was wrong, way to go douchebags. I leave you with a Postal pre-release promo. Enjoy
It looks fucking funny! UWE BOLL FOR PRESIDENT!
The movie started out funny and it looked like a real storyline was going to be lined out for us....then it just goes into a needless shooting frenzy with unfunny taliban jokes and tits. The Tits were the only thing this movie had going for it.
I had my doubts, but watched it and was surprised that I enjoyed some of it. Everything would have been fine as long as we didn't have to see Dave Foley's junk.
The first two thirds of Postal weren't too bad. There were a few good gags and it was appropriately self effacing and meta-goofy, but at the end things just got way too crazed and much of the funniness faded.
Still it was far from the worst movie I saw this year.
Just being able to see Vern Troyer raped by a vault full of monkeys made watching worth it.
75% of the film was amazingly horrible. like, you're almost impressed by how absolutely bad Uwe Boll was able to make this thing. the last fourth of the movie was just a letdown. you just want it to be over long before the ending gets there.
still, it's the best movie Boll has ever done. by far.