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100 Totally Boss Baby Boy Names

By Harry
Created 11/04/2008 - 09:17

    Don't bother picking up one of those lame books of baby names at the grocery check out, we've got you covered. Below you'll find a list of the 100 most bad ass baby boy names ever. Now, this isn't another one of those lame "ZOMFG Celebrities Give Their Kids the Dumbest Names!!!" posts. This is all about laying down the most boss names you can give a kid. These names are guaranteed to garner respect and admiration. They are totally foolproof. Don't believe me? Think it's akin to child abuse to give a kid an unusual name? Read on and leave a comment below... unless you have a totally lame name that is...

  1. Marmaduke    Probably England's greatest contribution to nomenclature [1].
  2. Jeb    In honor of J.E.B. Stuart [2], not Jeb Bush...
  3. Bruce    Bruce is a bitchin' name. See: Bruce Campbell, Bruce Banner, Robert the Bruce, etc.
  4. Belisarius    Who wouldn't want to name their kid after the most bad ass general in all of history [3]?
  5. Victor    It means conqueror in Latin, combine Victor and Conan together to make a legendarily awesome name.
  6. Otto    'nuff said [4]
  7. Roman    This one should be obvious. Romans were the shit back in the day, plus it's just a cool name.
  8. Sanford    "Oh, this is the big one! You hear that, Elizabeth?! I'm coming to join you, honey!" [5]
  9. Tancred    If you want to name your kid after an 11th Century Norman but William is too common of a name, why not go with Tancred [6]
  10. Belvedere    All hands look out below, there's a change in the status quo [7].
  11. Moses    the 76ers' Savior [8]
  12. Major    Giving your kid a title for a name is kinda ballsy, if that isn't your style but you like Major just tell people you were a fan of England's 90-97 Prime Minister [9].
  13. Wesley    There have been plenty of cool Wesleys, The main character from The Princess Bride, the kid from Mr. Belvedere, Wesley Snipes...
  14. Butch    This one should be self explanatory, like an onomatopoeia... but in name form
  15. Drexel    This name is old school, it conjures up images of a rugged old timer who tells awesome war stories about shit that happened 50 years ago.
  16. Roland    This name is shared by a crazy book from the Middle Ages [10] and a nice brand of synthesizers.
  17. Mandrake    Demons and Magic Plants, pretty boss shit
  18. Engelbert    HUMPERDINCK! [11]
  19. Roosevelt    Teddy or Franklin, take your pick.
  20. Cletus    Name of a Pope AND an Antipope! (not that there was much difference between the two, but still, it's an awesome anecdote)
  21. Elvis    Presley, Costello or Grbac, take your pick...
  22. Bear    Dudes respect other dudes named after killer animals.
  23. Flex    Part-time superhero and part-time stripper.
  24. Thor    Bonus points if you have a genetic history of blond hair and hammer wielding.
  25. Magnum    P.I. Starring Tom Selleck. Also acceptable: Higgins, Quigley
  26. Rambo    By the time your kid is old enough to be teased for this name everyone will have forgotten about the lame remake.
  27. Brick    Mortar also works, bitchin names for twins.
  28. Coach    Also exceptable: Craig T. Nelson [12]
  29. Chongo    Bonus points if your kid is over 6 feet tall and mentally retarded.
  30. Batman    Dudes have mad respect for Bruce Wayne.
  31. Napoleon    Bonaparte or Dynamite, take your pick...
  32. Beowulf    Same deal with Rambo, by the time your kid is old enough to be teased for this name everyone will have forgotten the lame movie.
  33. Solomon    Chicks dig Old Testament names, it's true.
  34. Dexter    Dudes respect names with Xs in them.
  35. Boss    See: Major
  36. Olaf    Vikings split heads, Viking names turn heads.
  37. Zaius    Bonus points if your kid looks like an orangutan [13]
  38. Ringo    Chicks dig the Beatles and dudes respect the balls it takes to keep Ringo as your first name. It's win-win.
  39. Tecumseh    Taking the name of a dead warrior [14] is super butch.
  40. Thunder    See: Thor. Bonus points if your kid grows up to be an American Gladiator
  41. Boner    STABONE! [15]
  42. Hank    Williams, Jr. or III, take your pick...
  43. Lars    Another Germanic name, it'll be cooler in 10-15 years when people haven't forgotten about Metallica and Lars Ulrich
  44. Barf    Bonus points if your child is a Mawg [16]
  45. Oscar    It doesn't get much more blue collar than this, no frills and gritty.
  46. Charlton    Heston was totally badass, he was Moses and he loved guns. He was a man's man.
  47. Nostradamus    Kinda pretentious but mostly because Nostradamus was French. Unless your kid is French, he can probably pull it off...
  48. Macintosh    Somewhere between Apple Computers and Night Court [17] lies a pretty boss name, plus your kid can go by Mac for short.
  49. Jefferson    Taking a president's last name as your first name is generally pretty rad. Other examples include: Taft, Reagan, Roosevelt, Kennedy, Eisenhower. Exceptions: Van Buren, Polk, Coolidge, Hoover, Bush.
  50. Booger    NERDS! [18]
  51. Axel    but NOT Axl...
  52. Slash    ...much better than Axl.
  53. Odin    Another mythological name. This time it's the god of gods from the Norsemen. Odin works better than other supreme deities like Zeus (although Samuel L. Jackson pulled this off in Die Hard 3), Jupiter, Yahweh, Buddha, etc.
  54. Bull    SHANNON! [19]
  55. Felix    Leiter [20] or The Cat, take your pick...
  56. Heinz    Achtung - Panzer! [21]
  57. Hugo    Victor or the Hurricane, take your pick...
  58. Conan    The Barbarian or the Late Night host, take your pick...
  59. Bigfoot    Would make for one hell of an icebreaker for job interviews and blind dates...
  60. Mohammed    You can't go wrong with the most popular name on the planet, right?
  61. Salisbury    This name conjures up images of delicious steak and Peter Gabriel's best song [22] (yeah I know it's not spelled the same, but still...)
  62. Nikola    TESLA! [23]
  63. Rudolf    Guliani, Hess [24], or the red-nosed reindeer. Take your pick...
  64. Tobias    FÜNKE! [25]
  65. Palmer    Arnold or Robert, take your pick...
  66. Hercules    Maye a little too presumptuous for some folks, but there are plenty of other cool mythological figures to name your kid after, such as: Prometheus, Mars, Chiron, Achilles, etc
  67. Dauber    DYBINSKI! [26]
  68. Euclid    There were a ton of Greek Mathematicians with bitchin' names. Here are a few: Ptolemy, Archimedes, Nicomachus, etc.
  69. Ari    If James Bond were a Jew his name would be Ari
  70. Boba   FETT!
  71. Biff    TANNEN! [27]
  72. Robot    Dudes appreciate robots. A kid with this name would get mad respect.
  73. Jeeves    Bonus points if butlery runs in the family.
  74. Vishnu    The Destroyer! [28]
  75. Socrates    Greek names are usually pretty bad ass. Example: Aristotle, Plato, Diogenes, etc.
  76. Meriweather    Admittedly fruity but if it's good enough for one half of Lewis and Clark isn't it good enough for your punk kid?
  77. Bradford    Bonus points if you are blue blooded New England Ivy Leaguers
  78. Hobart    TASMANIA! [29]
  79. Orenthal James    Not as cool as it used to be, in fact there is probably a better combination of named to give your kid the nickname OJ
  80. Luther    Van Dam, Vandross or King, Martin, take your pick...
  81. Lowell    MATHER!
  82. Beaver    JERRY MATHER!
  83. Balki    BARTOKOMOUS! [30]
  84. Guido    Bonus points if you are Italian.
  85. Brisco    COUNTY JR!
  86. Wolfgang    Naming your kid after a famous composer usually works pretty good. Example: Wagner, Amadeus, Ludwig, Vivaldi, Gottlieb, Rossini, etc
  87. Cash    Johnny or Money, take your pick...
  88. Luigi    Bonus points if you have twins and named the other one Mario. Similarly Castor and Pollux [31] or Romulus and Remus [32]
  89. Hooch    Pretty much any slang for alcohol would make a cool name. "I'd like you to meet my son, Moonshine..."
  90. Smokey    Buford T. Justice, Junior Justice or the Bear, take your pick...
  91. Bandit    Burt Reynolds or Johnny Quest's dog, take your pick...
  92. Bowser    Might not go over well with folks too old or too lame to have played Mario Bros.
  93. Magnus    Another old school Viking/Dark Ages name. Barbarians simply had butch names, what more can I say?
  94. Judge    Reinhold or Dredd, take your pick...
  95. Tex    Bonus points if you have a history of cowboys in your family. Only valid in the southwest and mountain states, otherwise it's just douchey.
  96. Dumpy    See Chongo
  97. Indiana    Indiana Jones is the best example, but taking the name of a State works in some cases. Other examples: Delaware, Colorado, Montana, Kentucky. Logical exceptions would be the girlie states (Florida, Georgia, Virginia, etc).
  98. Gustavus    ADOLPHUS! [33]
  99. Cornelius    Another old school name and one that also showed up in Planet of the Apes. As a rule of thumb, any name used in Planet of the Apes is pretty boss. Except for Bright Eyes, that's just emo.
  100. Atom    Kinda like Adam but better. Bonus points for the package [34].
balki and larry would be awesome names for twins... [35]
Submitted by perfectstranger (not verified) on Sat, 11/08/2008 - 14:52.

balki and larry would be awesome names for twins...

STANDING TALLLL!!! ON SO MUCH [36]
Submitted by perfectstrangerKid69 (not verified) on Sat, 11/08/2008 - 15:53.

STANDING TALLLL!!! ON SO MUCH WINGS OF MY TEH DREAMMSS!!!

forgot some [37]
Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 12/25/2008 - 18:04.

Gannon! like from the legend of zelda. my husband & i also like the name Cassius with the middle name Optimus. The only down side 2 that is with the last name of Castile, the poor kid's initials are COC. this could be a good or bad thing depending on the kid's ego.. :\

C.O.C. [38]
Submitted by fulSpirit [39] (not verified) on Mon, 07/20/2009 - 21:03.

Te he he! C.O.C. Now that's funny!

Ive always wanted to name my kid [40]
Submitted by IEatBabies (not verified) on Thu, 02/26/2009 - 11:01.

Ive always wanted to name my kid Victor because it's a cool name but if I have kids with a blond woman I will definitely name my kid Thor.

Source URL: http://www.blackenheimer.com/100_totally_boss_baby_boy_names_041108

Links:
[1] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marmaduke_(disambiguation)
[2] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J.E.B._Stuart
[3] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flavius_Belisarius
[4] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otto_von_Bismarck
[5] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Sanford
[6] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tancred_of_Hauteville
[7] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Belvedere
[8] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moses_Malone
[9] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Major
[10] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Song_of_roland
[11] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engelbert_Humperdinck_(singer)
[12] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Craig_T_Nelson
[13] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zaius
[14] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tecumseh
[15] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boner_Stabone
[16] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaceballs
[17] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_Court
[18] http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088000/
[19] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Moll
[20] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Felix_Leiter
[21] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinz_Guderian
[22] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMwn_hnoS5Y
[23] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla
[24] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudolf_hess
[25] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tobias_Fünke#Tobias_F.C3.BCnke
[26] http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0033150/
[27] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biff_Tannen
[28] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vishnu
[29] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobart
[30] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balki_Bartokomous
[31] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castor_and_Pollux
[32] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romulus
[33] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gustavus_Adolphus_of_Sweden
[34] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atom_And_His_Package
[35] http://www.blackenheimer.com/print/266#comment-453
[36] http://www.blackenheimer.com/print/266#comment-454
[37] http://www.blackenheimer.com/print/266#comment-519
[38] http://www.blackenheimer.com/print/266#comment-1355
[39] http://google.com
[40] http://www.blackenheimer.com/print/266#comment-922